Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I had just put all kids down for a nap. Ty was sleeping good but the girls were being very loud and crazy in their rooms. I went up there several times reminding them to be quiet in my gentle and patient voice but the words were going in one ear and out the other. I finally lost it and ran up there threw open the door and yelled, "Why can't y'all listen?! Get in bed right now! I don't want to hear y'all again!!" Zoe started to cry because I probably scared her to death. I slammed the door and came back down stairs. The wave of guilt hit me instantly. I was about to cry in my self pity at how much I suck. How can a person just get back from Bible study and be mean to her kids in just a few hours?? But then it hit me... I'm still focusing on myself. That is exactly what the devil wants. The worse I feel about myself the more I think about myself and the less I think about God and others... The cycle goes on and on. I could just hear God saying, " Brittany, quit your whining pull up your big girl panties and try again! I've already won the battle, so get over yourself!" So I prayed for forgiveness and moved on. What blessings I would have missed if I was still feeling sorry for myself. The girls made up a song about how they were best friends, we fixed hot chocolate, and Willow is drawing me a picture. I'm so thankful for the gentle whispers of the Holy Spirit to whip me back in shape. Don't mess with me today devil!